


Stop Rhyming and I Mean It!

by WhoInWhoville



Series: I love AUs [6]
Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Crack, F/M, Wine, gratiuitous rhyming, tipsy, too much wine
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-19
Updated: 2016-11-19
Packaged: 2018-08-31 20:15:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 652
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8592022
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhoInWhoville/pseuds/WhoInWhoville
Summary: How do I even explain this? John and Rose meet in a wine bar. And they speak in rhymes.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [jeeno2](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jeeno2/gifts).



> Jeeno2 had this inbox thing over on Tumblr happening: give her the name of a fic that doesn't (and probably shouldn't) exist, and she'd write the description. 
> 
> I sent her, "Face of Boe in the Snow". She came up with this: "John Smith and Rose Tyler meet for the first time at a wine bar after being stood up by their respective blind dates. One drink leads to another. By the end of the evening they’re playing silly rhyming games, laughing together over a shared bottle of chardonnay, as John works up the courage to get her number." 
> 
> She asked someone to write it, so I did. If she reads this, she will probably eat those words.

 

"White wine please."

"Anything in particular?" the bartender asked.

"Whatever's on tap."

"Sorry luv, wine doesn't come in a keg. At least not here."

"Oh whatever," Rose grumped. "I didn't want to come too this pretentious place anyway. But my date stood me up, and I forgot my wallet, and all I have in my pocket are a couple of ten pound notes. So the cheapest wine you got."

"Ooooo, sounds like you're having a night just as bad as mine." A handsome man with a artfully tousled mop of brown hair moved down from the other end of the wine bar. He sat one stool away from to the irritated blonde. 

"I'm Jilted John." 

"And I suppose I am Hosed Rose...d" She laughed, and her smile was as bright as the halogen pendant lights illuminating the plush mahogany bar top.

He grabbed a tall brown bottle by the neck and plunked it down between them. "Excessively expensive Chardonnay. This is the first bottle that is to accompany a four courses of little nibbles. But I can't drink this alone. I'll get sloshed. Let alone four bottles. Of course the idea isn't to drink four whole bottles of wine. When I made the reservation oh, four months ago, I was told I could bring the unfinished bottles home. But still. It is very good wine, and it would be a shame to not have someone to share it with."

"Wine that is posh will still get you sloshed."

John laughed, and poured two glasses of creamy wine. "So, rhyming Rose... with the cute button nose, are you in the mood... for a whole lot of food?"

"I think I could do... With a spoonful of stew." Rose took a sip of her wine, flirting with her eyes over the rim of the glass. "What sort of date... Would be so unkind... that she'd stand you up. And she _has_ to be blind." Rose winked.

"She's the kind that likes doctors... Not university proctors. But what doesn't know... though... Is that I _am_ a doctor. I'm a doctor _and_ a proctor. But I don't really like the proctor part... Too many students act rude and smart."

"Dudes who are rude...s?" Rose asked with a tongue-touched grin.

"I have even expelled dames... who in the loo did light flames."

"Really? You serious? Arson?"

"No! Smoking in the toilet!"

"Well that's a relief." Rose giggled as she started to drink her second glass of wine.

The waiter came and let him know that his table was ready. John offered his arm, and Rose accepted.

"Are you sure that your date... isn't just fashionably late?" John asked.

She shook her head. "Nope. _The dope._ You know, at first I was mad... But now I am glad."

"I'm glad you're not sad... For your company I'm enjoying... But please tell me that... With my affections you're not toying?" He leaned closer and licked his wine-stained lips.

"Toy? Never, you silly boy." She dipped her finger in his wine, and touched the tip to his lips.

John tugged at his collar. "Is it getting hot in here? 

Rose smiled seductively. "The wine has gone straight to my head, I do fear."

"Hello! The waiter, another bottle he's bringing!"

"But my ears, they are ringing." Rose dropped her head into her hand. " More wine? I can't do it."

"Here, have some food. These canapés will get you through it."

"Probably a good idea. You're so bright."

"Brilliant I am, and usually I am right." He waggled his eyebrows.

"You think you're so impressive."

"Are you being a tease?"

"No, I'm not, you're amazing!"

"Then... Would you mind ever so much, may I have your digits please?"

The waiting stood by the table, nervously rocking from foot to foot. "Please. I can't stand it any more. Stop rhyming, I mean it!"

Together they replied, "Anybody want a peanut?"


End file.
